Hello All
We are busy throughout our lives hiding the darker things in our life, we make each earnest attempt not to highlight our flaws. Definitely, this is my first blog and I'm not master in writing, so its kind of tough for me to express my thoughts so rather than trying more to develop some catchy start, I will directly jump to the topic. Before that, this is my attempt to disclose the darker side of my life, those things which I'm quite used to, but unfortunately I can't share it with the world as I doubt those are socially acceptable.
I don't know why, when and how this happened with me, but yes I know that I'm not straight. I have some affection for guys (I'm a 25 year lad). Some of you may stop reading the blog here as they won't be interested in listening to the non-straight guy's mind. And I guess this non-acceptance is the only factor that forces me to keep my dark side to myself.
Cruising spot - some of you might be knowing this terminology. So as wiki defines it Cruising for sex, or cruising is the act of walking or driving about a locality in search of a sex partner, usually of the anonymous, casual, one-time variety. By definition, it may sound bit cheap, but I doubt is it really as cheap & mean as it sounds. Okay the creepy part is yet to come, the cruising spot I'm gonna talk about is public toilet that too in India - city of Mumbai.
From internet, I came to know about this cruising spot, and I have been visiting it since few months. Not regularly, but yes, I must have visited it almost 10 times till date. What exactly is the scene inside, how people act-react, what kind of people are there etc things are must to know but that I would tell sometime later. Today, I'm gonna talk about only my today experience. I'm not writing this blog to share my s*x experience, of course that is not a purpose, but whatever is the main purpose of writing this blog demands that I must explain all the things - including sex - in detail. Its kind of confession, because ultimately I have to figure out am I doing anything wrong ?
So today, at around 9.30 pm I reached that cruising spot - yes the public toilet. of course there is no light inside and there are around 10 cells or the space to occupy 10 people. When I went inside, it was quite dark and 8-9 people were standing inside. I got into the very first cell. (By cell I mean the small cubicle inside the male toilet room which is the space to stand (and pee) for one person. The space between two partitions). Okay so I got into the first cell. To my left was standing some person in his late 30s, not so decent looking, so I just ignored him. I was not able to see the faces of other people so can't comment about their decency. But by looking at the stature I could guess the ages. And there was only one young person, of which also I was not sure, there was no action going on, everyone just looking at each others' faces, so I left the place. Got out and took a walk for 5-7 minutes. And again came inside the toilet. Now I could see the faces of two guys standing in the corner, quite young - must be in mid twenties. One was holding others hand. And was trying to push the others head towards his groin. I guess, I need not mention this fact that all the guys, men and oldies (yes, they are there also) are always standing there pulling it - c**k out. So the two guys were there, one trying to get a bj from other, but he was not ready. Meanwhile one uncle - somewhat fat was trying to touch the rods of those two while fondling his own shaft. The two guys were kind of hugging each other, not even kissing. Rest of the people (including me) were just looking at them. I again glanced at others' and realized that none of them is decent or young and I should bang on these two guys. So I moved close to them. They were trying to play with each other, but were not looking so comfortable. I tried my luck and kissed one of them. He didn't refuse but didn't even kiss. He just gave me very short kiss, just touched my lips and gave a smile. I got to look at the guy, he was good looking, decent, long hairs, clean shaved. He was still trying to hug and be with the first guy. Meanwhile the fat uncle came closer to me and tried his hand on my rod, but I was not interested and I just indicated him to go away. Then I tried to kiss the other boy between those two young guys. He was standing in the cell. And the second guy had pulled up his shirt and was fondling his back. The first guy was moaning a bit. I didn't understand what these guys are trying to do, neither they were kissing nor shagging each other, one fondling others back - WTF. I thought, its high time and I must take some move. ( I may sound somewhat bold, but believe me people I used to be so tense and afraid about my this habit, I have cried many a times, tried a lot to control these urges, but I couldn't - I just couldn't nothing worked, I was not so bold earlier, but today I'm not sharing those frustrating days, those experiences are reserved for later). So, I thought its high time and I must do something. So what I again kissed that guy - same guy with long hair. Again he gave me a short quick kiss and he smiled back. Rather than smiled I would say blushed a little - no, not little - but blushed a lot. No doubt his smile was killing one. I understood the guy is interested but he is ecstatic and trepid at the same time. So I moved close to him once again, hold his face with both hands and engaged in a long kiss. Of course he reciprocated. It was a good kiss. And he just forgot the first guy, and turned his body vis-à-vis to me. We took a pause for a moment. He started fondling my c**k. I again hold his face and kissed him slowly and smoothly. He was still fondling with my d**k, I didn't want anything else so I moved his hand from there and made him hug me. And that was the perfect position, we kind of hugging each other and lost in the perfect kiss. I understand I'm explaining in detail. But I feel what exactly happens inside should be known. We all who were inside know each bit of it, but I never talk about it and that's why I'm writing this blog, to reveal my dark side. It may sound mean to describe all these, socially mean, but it is the fact, if it is the fact I ought to embrace it. You or society just can't ignore or curse it. It is the thing, that all the 10 people there inside were looking for, it was the only purpose we were there, why should I feel ashamed to share it. And those 10 people are amongst all of you only, so you ought to accept them with their feelings, with their desires. You just can't ignore my blog saying I've written aphrodisiac stuff. Okay, continuing with the aphrodisiac story. Someone was coming and we were indicated so we broke the kiss and moved back to our cells. The person came inside and indicated that he is one amongst us and others should feel free to do what they were doing. (If you are wondering, how we were intimidated etc then I will explain all those things sometime later, how exactly the things inside cruising spots work) Okay, so again I pulled him close to me, he was still blushing and smiling in pleasure. I felt really nice, I have been to cruising spots many a times, kissed many strangers, but this guy gave me some different feeling. His smile, it was indicator that he enjoyed what we did and he was happy and satisfied. And may be without anyone's permission I gave myself the credit of his pleasure, and this gave me kind of high feeling. I again pulled him close to me. face to face and we engaged in other lip lock. The first guy suddenly left. The other uncle came inside in second break. First uncle approached him, and they were good with each other and engaged in fondling each other. Even we again engaged. Rest two guys started a f**k session. When they started, my partner suddenly broke the kiss and asked them if they are using a condom. LOL. I guess he was over conscious about others, forget what answer he got, but I liked his concern. There were few breaks, n few more long kisses. I noticed one thing, that after every kiss we were embracing each other. A tight hug. And both of us were really enjoying it. It gave some different feeling. After which the guy left as he was in hurry. I relieved myself with my right fist. And came out.
The point is, till date whenever I had been came out from that place, each time I had got frustrated, had felt kind of guilty, used to make resolutions like I wont come here again etc. But today I didn't feel anything like that. I guess the reason was the throughout pleasant smile on his face.
I guess, I have hay wired the whole purpose behind starting this blog in the pilot episode. The purpose of starting this blog is
1. I'm confused about what exactly I want, am I really gay, or am I doing it just for bodily pleasure. I can't figure out, by writing all the turmoil I'm going through, I am looking forward for your opinions.
2. whatever am I, one thing for sure, this cruising thing is really crazy and weird, it has to stop. I'm not saying the guys who are going there are wrong, but the society has put such limitations that guys can't confront their desires publicly. But that doesn't change the fact. Moreover whatever is going inside that toilet, should not remain in the dark. If any such thing is happening, people must be aware of it.
3. No doubt, I have had got BJ few times earlier in the toilet. But I mostly go there for kissing. But all kind of actions are taking place there, and I guess, the place which is used for pissing. And we people are exposing our sensitive organs doing some silly acts there, it can lead to some really tragic infections.
4. Get out of this vicious cycle, I wanna learn to control my desires. I have suffered a lot - really a lot.
5. To have peaceful and transparent life someday, coz it sucks to have so many dark secrets in my little bright mind. I fear those dark secret will dominate the brightness of my soul.
I request readers to post your views, after all your opinions gonna decide a lot in my life..
We are busy throughout our lives hiding the darker things in our life, we make each earnest attempt not to highlight our flaws. Definitely, this is my first blog and I'm not master in writing, so its kind of tough for me to express my thoughts so rather than trying more to develop some catchy start, I will directly jump to the topic. Before that, this is my attempt to disclose the darker side of my life, those things which I'm quite used to, but unfortunately I can't share it with the world as I doubt those are socially acceptable.
I don't know why, when and how this happened with me, but yes I know that I'm not straight. I have some affection for guys (I'm a 25 year lad). Some of you may stop reading the blog here as they won't be interested in listening to the non-straight guy's mind. And I guess this non-acceptance is the only factor that forces me to keep my dark side to myself.
Cruising spot - some of you might be knowing this terminology. So as wiki defines it Cruising for sex, or cruising is the act of walking or driving about a locality in search of a sex partner, usually of the anonymous, casual, one-time variety. By definition, it may sound bit cheap, but I doubt is it really as cheap & mean as it sounds. Okay the creepy part is yet to come, the cruising spot I'm gonna talk about is public toilet that too in India - city of Mumbai.
From internet, I came to know about this cruising spot, and I have been visiting it since few months. Not regularly, but yes, I must have visited it almost 10 times till date. What exactly is the scene inside, how people act-react, what kind of people are there etc things are must to know but that I would tell sometime later. Today, I'm gonna talk about only my today experience. I'm not writing this blog to share my s*x experience, of course that is not a purpose, but whatever is the main purpose of writing this blog demands that I must explain all the things - including sex - in detail. Its kind of confession, because ultimately I have to figure out am I doing anything wrong ?
So today, at around 9.30 pm I reached that cruising spot - yes the public toilet. of course there is no light inside and there are around 10 cells or the space to occupy 10 people. When I went inside, it was quite dark and 8-9 people were standing inside. I got into the very first cell. (By cell I mean the small cubicle inside the male toilet room which is the space to stand (and pee) for one person. The space between two partitions). Okay so I got into the first cell. To my left was standing some person in his late 30s, not so decent looking, so I just ignored him. I was not able to see the faces of other people so can't comment about their decency. But by looking at the stature I could guess the ages. And there was only one young person, of which also I was not sure, there was no action going on, everyone just looking at each others' faces, so I left the place. Got out and took a walk for 5-7 minutes. And again came inside the toilet. Now I could see the faces of two guys standing in the corner, quite young - must be in mid twenties. One was holding others hand. And was trying to push the others head towards his groin. I guess, I need not mention this fact that all the guys, men and oldies (yes, they are there also) are always standing there pulling it - c**k out. So the two guys were there, one trying to get a bj from other, but he was not ready. Meanwhile one uncle - somewhat fat was trying to touch the rods of those two while fondling his own shaft. The two guys were kind of hugging each other, not even kissing. Rest of the people (including me) were just looking at them. I again glanced at others' and realized that none of them is decent or young and I should bang on these two guys. So I moved close to them. They were trying to play with each other, but were not looking so comfortable. I tried my luck and kissed one of them. He didn't refuse but didn't even kiss. He just gave me very short kiss, just touched my lips and gave a smile. I got to look at the guy, he was good looking, decent, long hairs, clean shaved. He was still trying to hug and be with the first guy. Meanwhile the fat uncle came closer to me and tried his hand on my rod, but I was not interested and I just indicated him to go away. Then I tried to kiss the other boy between those two young guys. He was standing in the cell. And the second guy had pulled up his shirt and was fondling his back. The first guy was moaning a bit. I didn't understand what these guys are trying to do, neither they were kissing nor shagging each other, one fondling others back - WTF. I thought, its high time and I must take some move. ( I may sound somewhat bold, but believe me people I used to be so tense and afraid about my this habit, I have cried many a times, tried a lot to control these urges, but I couldn't - I just couldn't nothing worked, I was not so bold earlier, but today I'm not sharing those frustrating days, those experiences are reserved for later). So, I thought its high time and I must do something. So what I again kissed that guy - same guy with long hair. Again he gave me a short quick kiss and he smiled back. Rather than smiled I would say blushed a little - no, not little - but blushed a lot. No doubt his smile was killing one. I understood the guy is interested but he is ecstatic and trepid at the same time. So I moved close to him once again, hold his face with both hands and engaged in a long kiss. Of course he reciprocated. It was a good kiss. And he just forgot the first guy, and turned his body vis-à-vis to me. We took a pause for a moment. He started fondling my c**k. I again hold his face and kissed him slowly and smoothly. He was still fondling with my d**k, I didn't want anything else so I moved his hand from there and made him hug me. And that was the perfect position, we kind of hugging each other and lost in the perfect kiss. I understand I'm explaining in detail. But I feel what exactly happens inside should be known. We all who were inside know each bit of it, but I never talk about it and that's why I'm writing this blog, to reveal my dark side. It may sound mean to describe all these, socially mean, but it is the fact, if it is the fact I ought to embrace it. You or society just can't ignore or curse it. It is the thing, that all the 10 people there inside were looking for, it was the only purpose we were there, why should I feel ashamed to share it. And those 10 people are amongst all of you only, so you ought to accept them with their feelings, with their desires. You just can't ignore my blog saying I've written aphrodisiac stuff. Okay, continuing with the aphrodisiac story. Someone was coming and we were indicated so we broke the kiss and moved back to our cells. The person came inside and indicated that he is one amongst us and others should feel free to do what they were doing. (If you are wondering, how we were intimidated etc then I will explain all those things sometime later, how exactly the things inside cruising spots work) Okay, so again I pulled him close to me, he was still blushing and smiling in pleasure. I felt really nice, I have been to cruising spots many a times, kissed many strangers, but this guy gave me some different feeling. His smile, it was indicator that he enjoyed what we did and he was happy and satisfied. And may be without anyone's permission I gave myself the credit of his pleasure, and this gave me kind of high feeling. I again pulled him close to me. face to face and we engaged in other lip lock. The first guy suddenly left. The other uncle came inside in second break. First uncle approached him, and they were good with each other and engaged in fondling each other. Even we again engaged. Rest two guys started a f**k session. When they started, my partner suddenly broke the kiss and asked them if they are using a condom. LOL. I guess he was over conscious about others, forget what answer he got, but I liked his concern. There were few breaks, n few more long kisses. I noticed one thing, that after every kiss we were embracing each other. A tight hug. And both of us were really enjoying it. It gave some different feeling. After which the guy left as he was in hurry. I relieved myself with my right fist. And came out.
The point is, till date whenever I had been came out from that place, each time I had got frustrated, had felt kind of guilty, used to make resolutions like I wont come here again etc. But today I didn't feel anything like that. I guess the reason was the throughout pleasant smile on his face.
I guess, I have hay wired the whole purpose behind starting this blog in the pilot episode. The purpose of starting this blog is
1. I'm confused about what exactly I want, am I really gay, or am I doing it just for bodily pleasure. I can't figure out, by writing all the turmoil I'm going through, I am looking forward for your opinions.
2. whatever am I, one thing for sure, this cruising thing is really crazy and weird, it has to stop. I'm not saying the guys who are going there are wrong, but the society has put such limitations that guys can't confront their desires publicly. But that doesn't change the fact. Moreover whatever is going inside that toilet, should not remain in the dark. If any such thing is happening, people must be aware of it.
3. No doubt, I have had got BJ few times earlier in the toilet. But I mostly go there for kissing. But all kind of actions are taking place there, and I guess, the place which is used for pissing. And we people are exposing our sensitive organs doing some silly acts there, it can lead to some really tragic infections.
4. Get out of this vicious cycle, I wanna learn to control my desires. I have suffered a lot - really a lot.
5. To have peaceful and transparent life someday, coz it sucks to have so many dark secrets in my little bright mind. I fear those dark secret will dominate the brightness of my soul.
I request readers to post your views, after all your opinions gonna decide a lot in my life..
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